Here we are, at the end of the hardest week of the year, Friday, January 6th, 2023. What is harder than the collision between major hope and petty reality? For example, I set myself the goal this year of mastering my time and yet I found the last three days were very similar to the days off from my day job last year. Little changed. I wasn’t super productive. However, that highlights my primary goal of this blog: sharing ideas and experiences that can inspire thought towards good and virtue. Sometimes that feels like a high bar.
So here’s the short version of my last few days and what it says about me. I spent most of the last few days gaming and spending time with friends and family. In most respects, my normal writing took a back seat. Partly, this is all because I work a low-pay job these days that can still be very stressful on occasion. The other part is that I am at my core a thinker and lover. I can and wish to use as much time as I can with the people and things I love.
What’s more, this is a part of my process, I think. As much of my thoughts are conscious and considered, the production of the conscious mind can be miniscule compared to the capacities of the subconscious mind. Allowing things to process in the background while other processes are in the foreground allows unexpected ideas and connections to come out when the questions return. In this case, my two main thoughts for the background are: first, what kinds of themes or narratives help make sense of the current social-political moment in the world and how to make the world better with that knowledge, and second, how will I further separate my works of fiction from other offerings in their genres without running away from said genres?
I do not presently have answers to those questions, but progress was likely made because no other work was really being attempted. I find it is simply essential to be honest that after working as much as I had from last Friday to the following Monday and the emotional reactions I had to process and let go, I needed the three days to mostly just enjoy those things I most enjoy and need – family, friends, deep and thrilling games, exercise, and so on. It is because of this that I am able to write and rewrite this post this morning with relative clarity and purpose. It’s ok to find that your plan isn’t going to work. It is ok to trust your instincts about what you can and should do. They reveal who you are and there is really little to gain by working counter to who you are.
In summary, this past week has given me a lot to think about regarding my expectations for daily and weekly life going forward. In the short term, I must acknowledge I will write like I want to, not like I’m obligated to some larger mission or task regarding it. I, too, must still live my life. While I have confidence I can potentially do great things for the world and other people, I know in my bones that it will be based on who I am, not just what I am doing. I need to be working in ways that are compatible with the best person I can be given where I am now. I have to trust that as I grow, my opportunities will grow accordingly if I just look for them.